You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
