My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
