I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
