she takes plan B like it's going out of style
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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