Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
