too bad you live with your parents still
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
