It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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