i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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