I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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