So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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