When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
