please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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