Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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