how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
