wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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