i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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