PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
