How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
