One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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