at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
