I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
