After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
