Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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