so explain again why im purple
no
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
