my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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