i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
