Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
