I am in a vortex of obligation.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
