I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
