Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
