He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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