goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
