Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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