Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
