Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(907): View more from Alaska

my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up

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(907): my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up http://tfl.nu/bsdq

Replies (4) Good night (3303) Bad night (500)
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(802): View more from Vermont

Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."

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(802): Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami." http://tfl.nu/q4af

Replies (17) Good night (740) Bad night (3962)
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(407): View more from Florida

i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?

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(407): i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub? http://tfl.nu/tcak

Replies (33) Good night (8319) Bad night (807)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island

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(508): Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island http://tfl.nu/2xq2

Replies (5) Good night (3528) Bad night (636)
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(317): View more from Indiana

fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.

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(317): fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked. http://tfl.nu/j4lz

Replies (7) Good night (789) Bad night (3847)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.

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(901): I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus. http://tfl.nu/pp37

Replies (14) Good night (5097) Bad night (1406)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack

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(860): just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack http://tfl.nu/aa3v

Replies (87) Good night (9086) Bad night (1108)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked

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(902): I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked http://tfl.nu/oens

Replies (7) Good night (2992) Bad night (1037)
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(619): View more from California

I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.

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(619): I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight. http://tfl.nu/r1ts

Replies (4) Good night (2534) Bad night (986)
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(347): View more from New York

Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta

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(347): Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta http://tfl.nu/zwtd

Replies (6) Good night (1264) Bad night (538)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens

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(860): I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens http://tfl.nu/onsn

Replies (2) Good night (2106) Bad night (621)
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(512): View more from Texas

I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!

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(512): I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate! http://tfl.nu/aytf

Replies (12) Good night (2132) Bad night (810)
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(630): View more from Illinois

And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards

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(630): And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards http://tfl.nu/vn30

Replies (2) Good night (1348) Bad night (433)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.

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(615): All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me. http://tfl.nu/gv89

Replies (2) Good night (847) Bad night (378)
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(620): View more from Kansas

There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos

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(620): There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos http://tfl.nu/lt0j

Replies (1) Good night (357) Bad night (215)

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