my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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