Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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