why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.