if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.