can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door