I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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