Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
