Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
