I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
