I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
