do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you never un-have a 4some
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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