We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I believe in your delicious
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
