i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
