Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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