i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
