she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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