New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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