life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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