We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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