I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
