me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
