it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
