I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
