i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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