Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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