Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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