My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
