I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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