i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
