Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
