If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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