rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dick very happy bro
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
